Monday, September 24, 2007

how to avoid mass hysteria

Ok I'm not a cricket buff. Worse still, I couldn't be interested in the historic Indo-Pak final of the 'world cup' (It's not a real world cup for chrissake!). And if you're still not disgusted, I was writing this during some of the most engrossing moments of the match. (I can hear the drum beats and my sister yelling at the top of her voice every 13 seconds). So if you belong to my dwindling tribe of disbelievers, here are some tips on how to avoid getting hurt on such a hysterical day.

  • Avoid places where people have gathered. This means roads(though people would be huddled around TVs), offices (nobody will turn up anyway though), your living room(lest your cricket crazy family think you're unlucky because a wicket is toppled everytime to come to the fridge)

  • Avoid talking about it. Consider diverting the topic to global warming, or the problems of migratory birds at the delhi zoo.

  • Do not, I repeat, do not get into an argument with a cricket crazy fanatic(that practically means everyone you know. Trust no one.)You might not get to escape unhurt. A fanatic will usually know most of the cricketing statistics of most batsmen, would have watched the previous matches with popcorn and soda and would twitch at the mere mention of your indifference.

  • Get ear plugs. I'm sure my tribe feels like the dogs on Diwali. Just that you wouldn't hide under the bed.

  • Do not be afraid of being hated. Being the lone wolf is good practice for more important things in life. You've got to stand up alone, even if it means getting pushed over, be thought of as anti-Indian(and what's that about), and generally the 'what's-wrong-with-her' looks. More importantly do not be afraid of watching only the part of the match where the hot cricketers(if there are any) take off their shirts.

  • Being cricket apathetic in India is like being the guy who hates puppies. Seriously, do you want to be that guy? If you still can't convince yourself otherwise, there's always the BE-YOURSELF advice. Just avoid people that day.


Sid B said...

Interesting... atleast you're a gal and can get away with it decently... Imagine being a guy and then saying that you're not into cricket!

I remember once I was in the US and my American-Indian friend was trying to rustle up a crowd for a game... When I told him I didn't play cricket, he looked at me strangely, looked all around and then exclaimed.. "You're Indian aren't you?!!"

c\m/ said...

very true ...even worst... being in India and not watching a cricket match even when its quite predictable(as usual)...u feel like..u r out of society,....i mean.. everyone ... THE BOSS, frnds (even grls) , DAD,(phew!! not MOM), ..everyone is soo into it, n they expect the same from if u dont belive in GOD or something..I hv tried my best to escape.. like going to PUBS etc.. but ITS EVERYWHEREEEE....

I remember those days(limited cable bandwidth) when I had to watch Cricket in case there was a clash b/w a cricket match and F1 Race on Sundays...I had to wait for next day to see the results of the race... in the newspaper :P